and the superlative for most ridiculous goes to...

Buglaria! Congrats, you've won yet again!

So here's the newest scoop of ridiculous-flavored ice cream. By the way... I really love the word ridiculous. I can't even tell you how much I use it now, because it really does encompass all things bulgaria and school related. Anyhow, a little back story: last week, i went to my "team-teaching" class (where i teach with a bulgarian teacher), only to discover that the bulgarian teacher was not there. i asked the kids if they knew where she was, and they said no. so i ran to the english teacher's room (they have a special little room), and she's not there. i ran to the teacher's lounge, and still... she's not there. at this point, i'm kind of at a loss. they bell had already rung, and i didn't want to leave the kids sitting there alone. i'm lucky that this happened to be one of my good classes, because leaving the students unattended otherwise would have ended badly.

i went back to class, and asked the kids what chapter they were on in the book. the bulgarian teacher never gave me any instructions on what to do... and let me add that they don't normally tell me until 10 minutes before class... so i'm scrambling. i figured i would just work in the same chapter as i did with the other classes. turns out, they're WAY ahead of the other classes. they have already finished the chapter i worked on with the other 8th graders. no problem, we will just use their workbook that accompanies the text book. oh wait... they already finished all those exercises too...

???

well i had some christmas crosswords from my 9th grade class, and i figure what the heck, we'll just do some christmas stuff! so i give the kids the crossword puzzle. and honestly, it was educational, because they didn't know a lot of the vocabulary like, "coal, christmas eve, elves, jolly" stuff like that.

apparently, giving the kids a crossword was NOT, i repeat NOT ok. the teacher found out that i "didn't do what she wanted." (refresh my memory real quick on what it was that you wanted, because i'm pretty sure you dipped out without saying a word and left me high and dry.) so this teacher proceeds to tell/complain to the kids.... yes, the students... about peace corps, claiming the following:
1. only poor people join the peace corps because they need the money
2. we receive heaps of money while we are here and then we get paid loads of cash when we return
3. get SO MUCH money by the time we get home.... here's the clincher...WE RETIRE!
4. only ethnic people join the peace corps

and so, this is the trash that she is filling these kids' heads with. my favorite class at that. i'm not going to bother to say anything to her. she's obviously not only a self-loathing bitch, but a racist self-loathing bitch. and she's clearly not a logical person and saying something would probably just fuel the fire. it's just not worth it.

and did i mention she was gone YET AGAIN today, without telling me she was leaving or telling me what to do for class? obviously this time, i came prepared. hooker.

in conclusion, i would like to add that i truly laughed about this situation. i really wasn't even mad. it was just so ludicrous that i couldn't even take it seriously! i did, however, tell the class today that if they ever had any questions about me, my life, peace corps, or why i'm here... i would be more than happy to tell them and give them the REAL and TRUE answers. (and i'm emphasized real and true).

expectations

expect: 1. to consider reasonable, due, or necessary, 2. to anticipate or look forward to, 3. to consider probable or certain.

throughout pre-service training and many times since i have actually started teaching, we talk about "expectations," and "managing expectations." i think one of the main reasons i have been so frustrated and defeated as a teacher is because of inflated expectations. its funny because during training, i specifically remember having a conversation in which i declared, rather smugly now that i think back on it, that i had no expectations. while other people were starting to crack and show weakness during only the second month in-country... i remember thinking, they'll never make it! we're not even under pressure yet!

and now, here i am. struggling to get by week to week. looking so forward to each and every moment away from class it's a wonder i've been able to drag myself out of bed at all. which brings me back to my point: expectations. i have come to realize, that maybe when i first left georgia in my post-collegiate idealistic phase, i really did have expectations. maybe i just never really reflected on them. or perhaps i simply thought that they didn't mean much, because i was open to anything.

the truth is... i guess i really did believe that i was going to jazz up the classrooms and wow the students. i thought the kids would be overjoyed to work with an american teacher. and even if the students were bad, i was honestly thinking i could easily handle it. i was going to walk into that school, "dangerous minds" style, and michelle pfeiffer it up.

now i'm realizing that's it not quite as easy as the movies would like to make it look. and again, this kind of makes me laugh, because when people talk about "world peace" and other lofty ideas, they make it sound like cake. and i always used to think, "what are you talking about?? if it was that easy, we'd all be holding hands around a campfire singing kum bay ya." so why, when i have been so skeptical about change... or at least the ease in which change is possible.... why on earth did i think it would be so easy for me? this is years and years of bad habits and corruption we're trying to work through. and it's not surprising how close-minded people are. i mean, that's all they know. if you walked up to someone in the taliban, and said, hey guy... blowing people up is just not cool. let me show you why. even if that person took the time to listen to your argument (which would be a feat in and of itself), do you think they're just going to throw down their weapons because they've seen the light?! i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say, NO.

the point being, i am now having to face the fact that i most certainly did have expectations, and now i am forced to manage them. i am constantly having to redefine "success." i realize that in fact, i cannot touch the heart of each and every child. instead i have to re-evaluate my classes and decided who is worth going the extra mile for and who is, sad to say, a lost cause at this point, because i just don't have enough time with the students to really give some of them the attention they need and i'm losing the good ones in the process.

so maybe the students won't walk away from every period enlightened and eager to use their new found knowledge. maybe we'll just practice "jingle bell rock." and maybe that doesn't make me a bad teacher after all... just working within the system, one step (albeit painfully slow) at time.

no means no... oh wait, it means yes.

i'm starting to dread tuesdays. some two or three odd months ago, i agreed to tutor a 5 year old. i thought it would be fun. oh how wrong a person can be. first of all, this small child, sienna, gets brattier and brattier every day. i used to think my little brother held the title.... but he is saintly compared to this little booger. (and btw, i actually miss my little bro). if i try to help her in the least, she vehemently protests.... i mean, literally yells at me. and she's just as bad around the parents, so it's not like i could say anything to them, even if i wanted to (which quite honestly i would never have the guts to do), because they allow this type of behavior. come to think of it... i believe i have previously mentioned that parents and their lack of discipline in regard to their kids is one of the roots of all the problems bulgaria faces today!!!!! (as far as education goes anyway).

on top of that, i am also forced to eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink......

dinner time is not a pleasantry here. it's a battle zone. in one corner we have me, the innocent protagonist. in the other corner we have the hosts.... and dare i say, the enemy. many a volunteer has faced this challenge. you see, in bulgaria people just loooooove to feed you and get you drunk. it's practically a hobby. and when you say "no thank you" (in their own language)... it is ill received... if it's received at all! and that is why no means yes. so when i said no to a glass of wine the first time around, i was poured a glass anyway. (did i mention that this is homemade wine, and it's the strongest i've ever had in my LIFE?) for some dumb reason i drank it too quickly, (despite the fact that i have discovered the trick is to eat and drink ridiculously slow so that you can avoid second/third servings)... and of course i was poured a second glass. well the mother and father of this particular family were practically finished their drinks, so i quickly finished the second glass thinking that they would drive me home soon. no no no. i was poured a third glass and told to watch tv in the living room. *sigh* i reluctantly complied.

and now i sit here alone in my house, slightly intoxicated (sorry mom and dad). alone.

how pathetic.

i feel the need to include another *sigh.* those of you who know me well know that i am a "sigher." meaning, i sigh a lot. in fact, some people back home used to question me and my sighing. i told them i was just breathing, but in fact i was more than likely sighing and probably found something they said or did utterly ridiculous. while writing this blog i have sighed out loud after every other sentence. and that is mostly how i feel these days. it's hard to explain. i can only say that while on a deeper level these situations get to me... i am becoming more and more numb. (that is of course until it bottles up and i explode in a fit of rage.... or tears).

on a brighter, happier note, in the midst of all this incomprehensible behavior, i received my mother's christmas package today! i opened one of the gifts, b/c i already knew it was an iTunes gift card... and downloaded a TON of christmas music. yay! i really have been in the holiday spirit, even though i have no decorations, no tree, no friends, and no family. christmas spirit has actually been a bit of an oasis. and while i'm no scrooge, i've been especially cheery these past couple weeks. bulgaria can't hold me down!

oh yeah... i also received a bunch of magazines, including people's "sexiest men" issue. and hugh jackman?? come on. they always pick someone totally lame. he hasn't even starred in anything interesting lately. i just don't understand. and maybe i'm mistaken but i feel like their primary audience is fairly young. and he's old. (again, sorry relatives-- but ya'll are climbing the charts too. hahaha). when are they going to have someone like tom brady? or justin timberlake? someone young, cute, popular, and IN! get with it people magazine.

all for now. i miss my family and friends soooooo much, but as london gets closer and closer (am i wearing out this topic or what?!), i'm thinking that all this agony, pain, and flat out annoyance are going to be sooo worth it and more!

sofia is for lovers?

so i had pretty good weekend again. usually my weekends are quite pleasant actually.... i spend them away from my town with my partner in crime. i always think it's kind of funny that my fondest memories thus far are those having nothing to do with my school or kyustendil, but in the capital or another more cosmopolitan city with other americans. i expressed this sentiment to my mother one time.

noteworthy:
two times ignorant people made racial slurs at shantay.
1. a dirty looking older man (50s), walked past us saying, "white power." as we stood there in amazement and watched him walk down the street, he called out again (in english), "white power. do you understand me? white power." we just kind of looked at each other like, what the hell was that all about?! i was tempted to yell something back, but sadly i'm just a small girl in a foreign country and well.... he looked like a psycho. (go figure).
2. we took the train back to pernik (shantay's site). as we were getting off she had the audacity to say "excuse me," to someone who was blocking the exit. (note my sarcasm). his response? "you need to put some sun screen on, you've been in the sun too long!" did i mention that this guy was smoking a cigar and drinking a 2 litre of beer? yes folks, they sell two litres of beer here. obviously he was of an extremely high calibur in regard to character.

i was shocked that it had happened not once, but twice in the same day! i kind of hope the old man breaks his hip and the younger guy gets lung cancer. at the very least, i hope they don't reproduce.

in other news, school is the same as always. one of the boys was unhappy with his grades, so he crumpled up his papers and threw them at me. his dad is supposed to come in for a conference, but i doubt anything will come of it. then on friday, another boy said, "what the fuck," after everything i said, so i kicked him out of class. when i told him to leave, he said "thank god." i know jesus said love your enemies... but i never expected my students to be the enemy.

finally, i am pleased to announce that britney spears's new album is fabulous. i expected no less. on a more tragic note, all my friends have tickets to her show.... and alas, i will not be a part of the fun. i was really hoping she would have a summer tour, complete with european stops... but she only has two london concerts, and they take place while school is still in session. however, i have decided that this will not stop me. i feel as though it is my duty as an ever loyal britney fan to finagle my way to that june concert in london!

and speaking of london... i will once again mention that my departure date is quickly approaching!!!!! my heart soars every time i think about it. *sigh.* i am voraciously (my new GRE word) reading my london guide books. and while i am quite sure that i will return home peniless, i know it's going to be worth all of my weak american dollars and more!

by the way, i hope everyone is in the holiday spirit! i must admit that i was rather perky this week after listening to such christmas classics as "christmas in hollis," by run-dmc, madonna's "santa baby," and the amazing rendtition of "winter wonderland," by the eurythmics. good times.

busy bee gives thanks

so this is going to have to be short and sweet. i haven't blogged for a while, because there is not much to report. lately, the days have been kind of blending, with a few mild peaks and some serious lows. plus, i always write about my crappy days or feelings of doubt, and i'm over complaining via my blog all the time. (i've probably said that very same thing before, but i really mean it this time-- hence the lack of blogs).

today is of course thanksgiving. many people asked if i missed the fam and/or the states. well, the answer to that is quite simply, yes of course.... every day, now that you mention it! however, thanksgiving is not my favorite holiday. in fact, it ranks quite low on the list. maybe even dead last. it's a nice tradition and all, but we don't have a huge family get-together and i'm not exactly partial to the majority of food served. in any event, i do like the meaning behind the holiday, which of course is being thankful. i taught a lesson about thanksgiving to my students. we drew those little "hand turkeys," like the ones you make in primary school, and i had the students write four things they were thankful for. so, i suppose it's only fair that i list four things i'm thankful for:

1. being an American. i've always been rather patriotic, but as of late, my feelings have strongly intensified. my travel experience is still very limited, but i really do love my country. it is truly the land of opportunities, ideas, and well... convenience! boy do i miss the days where if i needed something, i could pop into the local wal-mart and buy it!
2. family and friends. as cliche as it may be, i truly could not have made it this far into my peace corps service without their love and support. of course i have my fellow volunteers, and enjoy spending time with and talking to them... but sometimes you need your mommy and daddy. or your best friend who can always finish your sentence.
3. the fact that this experience has given me the time to think about something i have ignored with a fair amount of success back home: God. i still haven't found the discipline to read the bible as much as i would like... but i have been reading other christian literature and found it quite interesting (for lack of a better word). and comforting at times. my favorite verse i've read is: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." (James 1:2-3). I especially love this verse because i feel like "faith" can mean so much more than religious faith... it can be faith in yourself, faith in other people, etc.
4. the INTERNET. i really can't imagine life without it. whether it's silly little messages between my friends and i on facebook, talking on Skype, finding lesson plans when my brain is out of creative ideas, or downloading new movies and music when i just need to relax... my computer is my world! props to Al Gore for inventing the internet (haha!). but seriously, i love modern technology.

this was a bit longer than i planned. what can i say... when i start talking, it's hard to stop me. but now it's getting beyond late and there's STILL work to be done. i hope everyone had a lovely thanksgiving and remembers to be thankful for the many things we so often take for granted :)

shenanigans

today started out like any other day. i finally started bulgarian lessons again, and boy am i off my game! but it's no biggie, i will get back to the flow of things soon. then i had my mini-lesson with one of the students (see picture), helping him prepare for TOEFL (an exam like the SAT, specifically for kids who speak english as a 2nd language). finally, i had my regular ninth grade classes. the first went quite well, and miraculously enough the kids have actually gotten better... opposed to worse, as much of the other classes have.

oh but the second 9th grade class.... sheer madness. we began the lesson in typical fashion with me yelling over all the students, instructing them to listen, walking around and opening their books for them, since apparently they are without function in their arms/hands... and the lesson continued. but suddenly, 20 minutes into class, the students declare that they are "on strike" because it is too cold.

say what?

i don't know what the heating policy is as far as the school building goes.... it probably has to be below freezing (and that's no joke), but as a southerner not quite used to the cold, i assure you, it was not that bad. anyhow, i just kind of sat there as they started to pack up their books, even though we were clearly not finished. i mean, what's a girl to do? well, i just talked with the few students who actually wanted to finish the activity and tried to ignore the loud, swirling chaos that surrounded me..

take the good with the bad

just a quick note, because i don't feel much like writing today. in fact, i don't feel like doing much of anything. all i want to do is sleep. i don't know where this sudden lack of motivation came from, but it's been lingering for over a week now. i thought the trip to veliko turnovo for halloween would turn things around, and while i did have fun... i was only that much more disappointed to return home.

one small silver lining... the boy in my class who i can't stand... in fact, i think god's sole reason for putting him on this earth was to test me and make me want to throw myself off the balcony... actually participated in class today! it was a brief participation and then he went back to annoying me (making noises, not working, and distracting other students). BUT, he at least volunteered to read from the text. a first!

then of course, obama was elected president. wahoo? literally every other volunteer here is liberal... although i think some of them don't really know what they believe, it's just so darn hip to go for obama these days... the point being, it just makes me really homesick. and i am about to delete my facebook profile, i swear. i'm sooo tired of everyone's holier than thou attitude.... calling conservatives "bitter" and "sore losers." i mean, really... would they be ready to rally around McCain, and even more importantly, Palin?? me thinks not. but enough about that, it's over.

sooo close to london i can almost taste it!

oops! i did it again...

well i feel like a big old jerk. i went to school today and received a very warm "welcome back." my assistant director told me that everyone was asking about me, and when i went to use the copier in the counselor's office, the secretary told me she was so happy to see me and she missed me. (awww). then, i talked to the director. she did say that i had to make up the classes, but it's more or less at the other teachers' discretion/whenever they have a need. for instance if they're sick or need a day for vacation, etc... which, honestly, i am okay with, because they undoubtedly would have asked me to fill in for something like that anyway!

why does bulgaria make me such a bitter old hag sometimes? oh... did i mention that two more people from our group (a married couple) left for good? and five people from the newest group have already left. i feel the need to include this merely to let you all know that although i may seem like debbie downer from time to time, it is with reason! this junk can be rough.

now i really know i'm back

You know you're back in bulgaria when...

My counterpart calls to tell me that the director informed her that I am supposed to "make up" the classes that I missed. So basically, any class that another teacher taught for me, I have to teach one of their classes. In what world does that make sense? What about when I substituted? I don't see any of those teachers taking MY classes. The bs that is bulgaria continues.

Only about 160 days to go....

.....

so, where to start? first things first, my grandfather passed away last week. it's still so surreal to me. death is something i've never been comfortable with... like, anxiety attack uncomfortable... and it is literally hard for me to understand. i just can't wrap my head around the fact that i'll never see him again. i won't go on and on about it, because it will only make me upset. i'll just say that he was truly the best grandfather ever and i'm so lucky to have spent the time with him that i did.

i went home for a week. it was bittersweet. obviously, the reason for my return was sad and unexpected, but i was so happy to be with friends and family. i really loved being back in the states. i didn't get to see chad while i was home, which was a total bummer. even though i wasn't expecting to see him, part of me was hoping! i did see lindsey (of course). again, bittersweet. it's so funny how much we compliment each other as friends... and it never ceases to amaze me that no matter how long we go without talking, we can just reconnect and click, like no time elapsed at all! maybe that's a tad cheesy, but what can i say, being in bulgaria makes me sentimental. i did a bunch of shopping while i was home, and brought back all the clothes i wanted. best of all, i went to several of my favorite restaurants. basically, it was perfect! sometimes it was hard to remember that i came home for something sad, because i was just so happy to be there.

now, i'm back in bulgaria. it feels the same: normal and average. last night though, i spent the night in sofia with shantay and amanda. it was officially the best night i have had in bulgaria so far. we went to an indian restaurant with some other volunteers (one volunteer had a birthday and others came to hang out). it was delicious! after dinner, we went to some sketchy bar at a hostel. we were only there for one drink though. after that, the other volunteers left and it was just me, amanda, and shantay. we went to a karaoke bar.... and get this, we all sang!! normally, i would rather die, but everyone in the place was singing along and the sound system wasn't that great, so you could barely hear the people who were actually supposed to be singing. and finally, we went to a club in the "student area" of the city. we danced until the wee hours of the morning. it was almost like being back in downtown athens. (almost).

well, i'm off to bed. one more day to lounge and then back to the daily grind.

victory is mine!

"i don't care if monday's blue.
tuesday's gray and wednesday too.
thursday i don't care about you.
it's friday, i'm in love.

monday you can fall apart.
tuesday, wednesday break my heart.
oh thursday doesn't even start.
it's friday, i'm in love.

i don't care if monday's black.
tuesday, wednesday heart attack.
thursday never looking back.
it's friday, i'm in love."

a wonderful, glorious thing happened today. first of all, i went through an entire week without having a nervous breakdown! now while this may seem slightly crazy to some, it is an enormous accomplishment. i'm either getting a thicker skin or creating my own little niche. maybe a combination of the two.

secondly, i had a MAJOR language breakthrough. a little background info: yesterday, i somehow got a virus on my computer. at first i was really upset. i mean, my computer is my life right now! plus, it was just really annoying because this little "antivirus" bubble (in actuality a virus masquerading as an antivirus) kept popping up literally every other minute. anyhow, i took it to a computer repair place here in town. (my tutor showed me where it was when i was having trouble with my microphone and they fixed it in about five minutes --and for free-- so i was confident they would have no trouble). basically, they were able to fix the computer with no problem (yay!), but it took a looooot longer than expected. so, after walking around aimlessly for three hours (they kept telling me, "a little longer, a little longer"... which was fine. i didn't mind waiting. i just wanted it fixed. and i had nothing better to do).

anyhow, three hours later, after i browsed every shop in town, i finally just decided to wait at the computer place. i asked how much longer, but the guy replied so fast that i didn't catch one word. so i asked him to please repeat a little slower, because i don't speak much bulgarian. well this intrigued the second gentleman working there, so he asked me what my native language was. i told him english, and mentioned that i was teaching english at the high school PMG. well, wouldn't you know, his daughter goes there. and she takes english! she is in 12th grade though, and i'm only teaching 8th and 9th... but after that, he was mr. chatty. in a good way though. we talked about all sorts of random things. honestly, he did the majority of the talking, but i understood everything he said!! (well about 90%). now, the clincher is not that i understood so much (although that was rather extraordinary), but that we talked for ONE HOUR! 60 whole minutes. i don't even talk to my tutor that much during our lessons. usually i can't understand that much and i just zone out after a while. it was such a confidence booster. and after my computer was fixed, they only charged me five leva!! ($3.50 in american currency, to put it in perspective). it was nice to walk away with a healthy computer and a renewed sense of self.

and the last delightful little tidbit. it was brought to my attention that one of my students unknowingly took a picture of me during class. how you may ask? a lovely little gadget we call the camera phone. well, at first i was embarassed... then a little worried.... were they using it to throw darts at? was it a forum to complain about me? come to find out, it was none of these things. in fact, all the students who did comment on this picture of me had nothing but nice things to say! one of the students (dare i say my favorite student) from my summer class translated everything for me. the comments consisted of "she's so cool," "she's so pretty," and "best teacher ever." which reminds me... i need to figure out exactly who said what... they're gettin A's! haha. but seriously, it was just further validation to know that i'm not completely wasting my time after all. even if they hate school... i'm connecting with them on some level. and that's the first step.

tomorrow i travel to sofia with shauntay. we are maybe going bowling. (bowling in bulgaria-- so curious to see if it's the same as in america). maybe going to a bar/club. i'm sure it will be a good time. hanging with her is always fun and refreshing.

missing everyone back home but excited for things to come. namely halloween and london! love ya'll. ciao for now!

rock the vote

something a little different this time around. today i write not about bulgaria, but about politics instead. a heated subject indeed, but after reading yet another pretentious blog about voting and politics, i can't bite my tounge any longer! every day my "friends" on facebook and myspace write some pompous little blurb about the candidates or the upcoming election. the sad thing is that it's always some low blow... pretty much never about the issues.

and i guess i'm tired of everyone ripping me to shreds for watching fox news. or being conservative. or things of that nature. whatever happened to agreeing to disagree? can't we respect each other's opinions? and even if the channels i watch are biased, don't you think yours are too?? has there ever been such a thing as an unbiased media or talkshow? be honest people. and here i feel as if i must defend fox news. even if most of the people working there are probably conservative, they always have someone representing both sides.... be it democrat and republican commentators, a defense lawyer and the prosector, etc. i usually just try to avoid the subject of politics altogether, because i know people who don't agree with me will undoubtedly "think less of me".... even though they ironically consider themselves "open-minded."

lastly, i am sooooo over celebrities! the majority of them don't even know what they are talking about, they simply go along with whatever is "in." case in point: lindsay lohan. now i love mean girls as much as the next person... hell, i even like a few of her songs. but lindsay, please shut up. her recent blog on myspace (which will undoubtedly influence millions of young girls) was bashing sarah palin. the end was especially mature when she quoted pamela anderson, saying "sarah palin can suck it." that's lovely. the majority of her blog was a rant against palin for being against gay marriage. i guess lindsay is now the self-proclaimed voice of the gay community since she's been a lesbian for all of ten minutes. and who knows how long that will last. then, their's bill maher. i don't think i've ever heard a more elitist, arrogant man in my life. he recently appeared on jon stewart's show to talk about his new movie, religulous. maher thinks palin is "scary," because "she actually believes what she says she believes in." jon stewart made the arguement, to be fair, that obama is a very religious person also. bill maher followed that statement with, "i hope he's lieing. i hope he's just saying what the people want to hear." now these quotes are practically vebatim. so let me get this straight bill.... you hope obama is lieing? you hope he's just saying what people want to hear? i mean, if he lies about that... how can i believe anything he says? what about the rest of his platform? is that just what people want to hear too? and sarah palin..... she's bad for actually being true to her principles? bill maher, you sir, are an idiot.

why is it that the loudest people are the most ignorant? i'm just ready for the election to be over so i don't have to hear anyone else's unsolicited thoughts. guess what facebook/myspace friends... nobody cares. i will thank these ridiculous people for one thing though... inspiring me to cast my absentee ballot. i know georgia will definatey be a red state, but i should always do my patriotic duty. i'll let my voice be heard through action at the polls... not through various propoganda that no one even asked for in the first place.

double trouble

today i recieved a lecture about how to conduct my class from another teacher. apparently, a student told her the kids in the class were being loud and i can't control them. well, they were right about one thing, i can't control them! what am i supposed to say? the situation reminds me of the classic comedy "team america: world police." remember the part where the UN official was talking to kim jong il? and the UN guy tells him he has to allow other officials to view his headquarters (or something of that nature). and kim jong il asks what will happen if he doesn't allow this. to which the UN official replies, "well..... we will be very, very angry. and then we will write a letter telling you how angry we are."

that's exactly what discipline in bulgaria is.

these kids have been raised (in both the school system AND at home) to behave like little monsters. they do whatever the want, whenever they want and no one is going to tell them otherwise. they're like the kids from "my super sweet sixteen" without the glitz and glamour. and now, i am supposed to change all that when i see these kids for 40 minutes per week. riiiiiiight.

raising my voice doesn't help. they don't care about a weak ass note in the dnevnic (*attendence book which also serves as a place to document bad behavior). and half of them don't really care about their grades either.

TGIF. also, my slingbox is not starting. it says i don't have an internet connection... but seeing as how i am online and writing this blog, clearly i do. oh well. gilmore girls season 3 it is.

*sigh*school. and goodbyes.

i just thought it was worth noting that today one of my colleagues... an english teacher, mind you... was wearing a shirt that said "bitches love me." nice.

then, another one of my colleagues wanted me to grade papers the class had written... but if it was a bad grade, not to write it in the gradebook. only give marks to the kids who got a 5 or 6 (meaning an A or B).

oh bulgaria....

on a different note, i said goodbye to harriet last night. quite abruptly, she decided to leave bulgaria for good. she was planning on staying here for a years time, but for many reasons decided to return home and continue her work with the bugarian organization from london (i.e. organize fundraising, raise awareness, recruit future volunteer groups, etc.). needess to say, it was sad to see her go. it's been painfully hard to make friends here, and it was nice to have an english speaker around (not to mention someone who is just a warm person overall). she was very confident in her decision though, and seemed really happy when discussing future plans upon her return home. on the plus side, i told her she is now my official london tour guide come december.

after having my own doubts (which seem to grow stronger every time i have a bad day) about how long i'll last, i wonder if i would ever be so sure about "abandoning ship." i think not. but at the same time i wonder how much of my own happiness i'm willing to sacrifice because of my pride. for now i'm ok, but it feels like my spirit is weakening and i just hope i find something soon with which to anchor myself here.

on the plus side, one of the teachers at my school talked to me for the first time today. i see her everyday, but aside from the obligatory "nod" that affirms i am in fact not invisible, she never says anything to me. today she simply asked me a few questions about myself, which at this point are quite easy for me to answer in bulgarian. the conversation only lasted about 5 minutes, but i felt as thought it was a small victory. one volunteer's opinion was that we should not be reduced to finding small victories in each day. but i find that without them, i'm lost.

and lastly, on a much lighter note (because i hate ending every blog with these depressing thoughts), the bulldogs were defeated by the unworthy crimson tide. yes, i said unworthy. i know that alabama played an amazing first half, i'm just bitter. however, they are an SEC west team (thankfully), which gives the possibility of a rematch at the ga dome.... and the boys will be out for blood. first we just have to knock off tennessee, florida, auburn, and lsu. cake.

seriously?

welcome to the latest edition of jordan's vent fest. i seriously do not know how much more i can take. today i was assigned to substitute again. nevermind the fact that i don't think it's really appropriate for me to be substituting. i'm brand new to the school system, country, etc... i mean, let me get my feet wet before you throw me to the wolves (aka 12th grade). i was already annoyed about having to sub again because of the aforementioned reasons... PLUS, i had a bulgarian lesson at the same time as the classes. it's really important for me to learn the language for obvious reasons, and it's been really hard to coordinate something with my tutor because our schedules are so different. (she is also a teacher).

anyhow, OF COURSE, i get to school today and none of the students showed up. they don't have the substitute system that we have back home. basically, the school gets a teacher who already works at the school to fill in if/when they have a free period. so sometimes, they will just cancel class altogether if there is no one available. so basically, the 12th grade was told they would have a substitute and subsequentially no one bothered to show up for either class. so not only did i waste my time sitting around waiting on students.... but i canceled my bulgarian lesson for nothing.

now i am waiting around for the next period to see if anyone comes to that. it is 11th grade and supposedly they will be there. as you can imagine, i am more than a little skeptical.

one week down, eternity to go

another boring saturday. just me and jack johnson chillin at the apt. (or should i say, jack johnson and me.... i am an english teacher now). and speaking of english, i finished my first chaotic week at school. i won't go into the nitty gritty details, because i'm sure i will personally recount all my many adventures to all of you who read this blog. in a nutshell, they changed my schedule three times without telling me, causing me to miss one class, show up three hours early for another, and now i have the most ridiculous schedule ever. alas, i have conceded to the bulgarian school system. i just can't fight them on everything, as it is proving utterly exhausting and more importantly, futile.

(in front of the school)

on the bright side (yay for mr. brightside.... no pun intended... haha to those of you who understood the reference... i just can't help myself). anyhow, i really really like my 8th graders. so far, they seem really cute. and they were perfect angels this past friday. which was a relief. will they stay good for the whole year? now that is the question! hopefully i will win them over with my amazing teaching skills and charm, and they will want to work and be good little students. but seriously, i'm actually excited about working with them on thursdays and fridays. this excitement is the one flame that burns in my heart and keeps me from thinking this was a big waste of time.

i am also happy to report that i got my first bulgarian haircut. or perhaps my first haircut in bulgaria is more appropriate. either way, it came out fabulous. (and everyone knows how absurdly picky i am). i couldn't have been happier. sadly, my friend harriet, who went with me to the same salon to get her roots dyed, was not quite so lucky. after a very long dye job, not only did were her roots still dark brown, but the blonde in her hair had turned purple. oops! when they washed her hair and i saw it..... i almost died laughing. it was hands down the funniest thing i have seen so far in bulgaria. she had this big, important black tie charity event tonight. i didn't see the end result, because she insisted i didn't have to wait, and after being there for 4 hours, i finally complied. i hope for her sake it came out ok in the end. the best part of the entire experience was when the semi-english speaking manager came to try and smooth things over. the manager told harriet that, "it isn't really purple, it's grey"...... as if that's any better?!?! to which harriet replied, "well i wanted blonde and at 20 years old i don't really want grey hair, thanks." so then the manager insists, "well i think it looks nice." and harriet (who i must say was extremely tactful given the circumstances) responded, "do you really? because i'm pretty sure if you had purple hair right now, you wouldn't be too happy." it was pretty much the best exchange i have ever witnessed. i honestly was waiting for candid camera to pop out from behind a curtain.

all for now. except to say, GOOOOO DAWGS! SIC EM. WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF.

drowing in my pity pool

why is it that when you are in a bad mood, rather than try and pick yourself up and look on the bright side, it is so much more satisfying to wallow around like the world is ending instead? or maybe that's just me.

so my first day was stupid. technically, today was only the "opening day." just a small ceremony and party really. i didn't teach. i did get my schedule though. i was signed up for 8 whole classes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow guys, thanks a fricking lot. i dedicated two years of my life and cried myself to sleep on numerous occassions so that i could teach 8 WHOLE hours per week?! that's just lovely. and it's really not even eight hours if you want to get technical because the classes are only 40 minutes long. AND THEN, they tried to tell me i don't need to come to school until they have books.... did i mention the books are arriving in two weeks? (hopefully two weeks, actually-- i suppose it never dawned on anyone to order the books in advance so that they are here when school starts....). OH, and then they were surprised to see that i didn't want a two (or more) week break. two and a half months bored to teeth was just dandy and all, but i think i'll pass.

then, to top it off, all the teachers were going out to eat after the ceremony. i wanted to politely decline, because i knew it would be dreadful, but it would be "rude" not to go. so, let me get this straight.... it's rude for me not to go to an "optional" (their words not mine) lunch, but it's not rude for everyone else to carry on in bulgarian like it's my native language and completely ignore me the entire time? ok, just wanted to make sure i was clear.

oh yeah, almost forgot. i'm SUBSTITUTING tomorrow. (since there is nothing else for me to do). lords knows i just loooooved doing that in the US, can only imagine how wonderful it will be here. and there was the promise of future sub gigs.... goody gum drops!

if you can't tell, i'm in total bitch mode right now. and i loathe bulgaria. the end!

here today, gone tomorrow

to start: i have to dedicate this blog to my mom. even though we tend to bicker quite frequently, she will always be the most important person to me. i mean, i have to credit my winning charm, looks, humor, intelligence... you get the picture (haha)... to her. but more importantly, she's been my role model for as long as i can remember... dating back to when we had matching blue and green sweaters (hers from the limited, mine limited, too.)... carrying on into the present when i often skype to vent and get advice.

so, as most of you know, my mother came to visit this past week. the week went by so quickly... which i knew it would, but it was sad to say goodbye again. i had a really good time (despite what she may think), and it just made me realize how much i miss everyone back home... as if i don't think about it enough already! we mostly just hung around town and my apartment. we went to sofia for one night and that was nice. i should have planned it better or maybe researched a little more, so that we could have had more of a structured itinerary. maybe next time. we did see the new adam sandler movie though, "zohan." it was dumb, but funny... exactly what i expected. there were a LOT of sexual jokes though and no matter how old i get, it's always a little ackward to watch that kind of stuff with your mom...

i have lots and lots of new goodies now (including but not limited to):
*lovely new bamboo sheets
*new iPod
*SLINGBOX!! (yay for TiVoed shows, fox news, and espn game plan!)
*cooling pad for my laptop (very handy indeed)
*new pillow to rest my weary head
*season 3 of Gilmore Girls

and various other items for my house... not to mention the incredible generosity that was bestowed upon me while she was here (such as going out to eat daily). basically, i'm really lucky!

on a different note, school starts monday! i can't believe it's already mid-september. well... let me re-phrase. i can't believe i'm about to start my ACTUAL service. loafing around is all well and good... until you realize you have no friends, no money, and nothing to do. then it gets a tad monotonous. i'm so anxious to see what my schedule is. yes, school is in two days and i have absolutely no clue who or when i'm teaching. apparently that's how things "work" around here.

hmm.. not much else to really say. i will post again soon to report on the first week of school. wish me luck!!

OH, and of course, i will take a moment to pause and remember all those whose lives were lost or affected by 9/11. living in a foreign country really gives me the authority to say that we are so lucky to live in such an amazing place! i wish i could personally thank all the men and women who have helped to make america what it is today

plovdiv

so i visited a new city yesterday. it's name is plovdiv, and it is the secondest biggest city in bulgaria (after the capital, sofia). many people (especially bulgarians) that i've talked to, have told me that they prefer plovdiv to sofia. there is a university there as well as many churches, museums, and galleries.

i went on a whim with the other volunteer in my town. she had a bad day and just wanted to get away for a bit. so after talking to her on skype at around 11:00 pm, we decided to take the bus to plovdiv the next morning at 5:00 am. getting up that early is no joke and i barely slept during the ride there, but i was suprisingly fine the whole day. the city wasn't quite as big as i was expecting. maybe population wise or square-mileage wise it is the second biggest ctiy, but in my opinion sofia has a much bigger feel to it.

the city does have a very cute "old town" section, which is where all the touristy destinations are. i enjoyed most of the museums... loved the gallery! there was one art shop that had the greatest pieces... especially glass and pottery, but it was so expensive! and alas, i am a poor volunteer these days. i did a teensy bit of shopping though. bought a few souvenirs: post card, magnet, jewlery box (which will be a cute gift), and for me: funky earings and a really cute top for only 10 leva - steal! i saw the mummy 3. it was good... i liked the others better, but the son in this movie was gorgeous.... which is aways nice :) haha.

overall i had a good time, and i want to see as much of the country as possible, but i don't think i would go back unless i was simply catching up with friends. (most of my friends/volunteers are a lot closer to plovdiv than to sofia). in general, sofia remains my favorite place thus far.

oh, and i stayed at a hostel for the first time. it wasn't too bad. basically just a place to sleep. although i must say that i would never stay at a hostel for more than a night or two. there's just no privacy... and it's a little ackward to be thrown into a room with people i've never met before.

finally, my mom arrives in three short days. i remember talking about her visiting when i was still living with my host family. it's crazy that she's going to be here! i'm a little nervous, because life is pretty boring... and while it's not a big deal to me, i want to make her stay as interesting as possible. the quality time will be nice though (plus all the goodies she's bringing me! haha)

all for now. i'm super tired from the long trip!

beaches, brits, and babysitting

So, two weeks till the beach!! If I am able to go that is... there was a little scheduling problem, but it turns out it might not be a problem after all? For now, I will cling fast to the dream that I will be on the Black Sea in only 12 days.

I recieved some VERY interesting news the other day. An American friend of mine (who was a volunteer and now works in Sofia) called to tell me that there is a British girl living in my town! She is my age, and she works at his organization. She was volunteering, but now she is staying indefinately. I just got her number last night, and I actually tried to call her today, but no answer. Either way, I'm really excited to meet her! I hope we become good friends... it would be amazing to have someone I get along with (and who's my age/on the same page as me) so close! Plus she can help me plan my future trip to London.

And speaking of London, I am 99% sure I will be there for New Years. I am planning about a week long trip with another volunteer. We want to buy plane tickets this month before the price goes up. And that way, we are basically forcing each other to commit! Although, I have no problems with making/solidying plans. I have been bound and determined to go to London since.... I don't know, birth? Anyways, I'm super pumped that it's becoming a reality!

I spent last night in Sofia again. It has fast become my favorite place to go. There's just something so comforting about it. It's really nothing like Atlanta, but it's the closest thing to it... and some of the districts are actually quite picturesque. Plus, I discover something new every time I go... this particular time, I discovered Bulgarian karaoke. I must say that it was pretty typical, except that it was even more hilarious than in the states, because it's Bulgarians attempting English songs. But it was cute and I had fun. AND, i ate sushi!! A whole plate!! It was tuna, a more mild fish... but those of you who know me, know this is a pretty big deal. I have to admit... I liked it! And I didn't die, so that's good.

Then tonight I went to a "rock concert" here in Kyustendil, which is basically code for cover songs by local bands. I met yet another American who is living here in Kyustendil. (The running total of native English speakers {including myself} in Kyustendil: four americans-- three being volunteers, and one brit). This lady seemed interesting. She is a young mother with two precious daughters, and she's married to a Bulgarian man. I'm not really sure what their plan is... how long they are staying, etc. I don't think they know what their plan is. I offered to babysit though, and she quickly took my phone number!

All for now. It is getting late. One last thing. I tried an aerobics class and I really liked it. Finally something I can get into! And stick with.

the way life should be

Well, it was another fabulous weekend. I went to a party in Sofia last night. It was probably the most fun I've had since I have been here. They grilled hamburgers (a treat in Bulgaria). Actually, that was my first hamburger since I left the states. It was delish (that's short for delicious). Anyhow, there were some great people there. Some ex-volunteers, current volunteers, people from the embassy, people from the city's rugby team... etc. Also, there was a really fun couple who invited Shantay and me to the beach with them at the end of the month!! I can't wait to go. Although I will pretty much have to fast for the next two weeks in order to be bathing suit ready.

Last month was sooo slow. So I'm just so glad that this month is looking up. I want to go into the new school year with high spirits. And speaking of school, my English summer course is finished. One of the kids got me a present. I guess I pretty much rock as a teacher.

Finally, I was informed the other day that there is a pool RIGHT next to my apartment. All this time.... all these hot summer days... I just now find out! But later is better than never. I checked it out and it's amazing! Brand new pool with lots of space to lay out, and NOT lots of people (even better!) I mentioned the pool to a couple Bulgarians and they had no clue it was there. I guess it is the best kept secret in Kyustendil. I hope it stays that way. I swear, if it is not in their daily routines, Bulgarians have no clue about anything in life.

All for now. Just a short little bit, because I'm in a good mood!

a tale of bulgaria

The book A Tale of Two Cities starts with the opening line, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." I think that will pretty much sum up my experience as a volunteer. Very often I use this blog as a venting outlet to complain about things not going so well, or missing friends and family. And sometimes it really does suck being here, but then I have a good day and think, "this isn't so bad after all."

This weekend, I went to Sofia with my fellow volunteer, Shantay. I love hanging out with her, because she is more like my friends back home. We have the same sense of humor and directness. We finally saw the new Batman movie. I have to admit, that it was the most intense movie I have ever seen thus far in my relatively short life. I did not like that Maggie Gyllenhaal played Rachel though. She's not cute, and she looked a little coked out if you ask me. Other than that though, it was very compelling. I wanted to see Sex and the City soon too, but it's not in theatres anymore! Movies come and go so fast nowadays. Oh well, I guess I will wait to see it on DVD.

So, after the movie, I spent the night in Pernik, Shantay's city/town. It wasn't bad. For a big city (bigger than my site) it didn't have too much though. Kyustendil has way more cafes and stores in general. But even hanging out and doing nothing was nice! There is another volunteer at her site, Brian, and he has some device... I forget what it is called... but it allows him to watch his friend's TV back home in the states. It's the coolest thing I've ever heard of... I gotta get me one of those!! Somehow we started talking about football, and he said I could come watch the Georgia games at his house! Wa-hoo! It really made my little week. Chad had mentioned that I could watch the games via internet for a small fee on CBS sports, but it will be fun to watch some of the games with someone who actually likes sports! I kid you not, there is not ONE person in my group who watches college sports. What is the world coming to? Girls, fine... it's stereotypical, but true. In general, girls aren't into sports... but the guys... I guess it's kind of sexist of me, but I just think something's not right if a guy doesn't like sports.

Basically, I finally had a good weekend. I think I'm going to start pinching more pennies during the week so I can start traveling more on the weekends. I pretty much have to in order to maintain sanity. This weekend, I am planning on returning to Sofia for an ex-volunteer's birthday (or to clarify, a volunteer who finished their service and now live's in Bulgaria). So that should be fun. And it will give me a chance to meet more people. Always a plus.

Lastly, I have had a really strong showing at my summer class. I only have one week left. It's only a three-week course. I am undecided if I will continue it or not. I am quickly running out of ideas on how to fill two hours of class time, four days a week. And it's funny how often this happens.. but Thursday I ended class a little early. I wasn't feeling well, and I thought the students would be happy. But when I told them we were done for the day, one girl was like, "oh man..." and I asked her what was wrong? She said, "well this is my last day, because I am going on vacation..." I was just amazed that she enjoyed the class, because she never wants to participate and I always have to snip at her for talking while I'm talking. I figured her parents were making her come, but wouldn't you know, she was interested all along. That very thing happenened during training in Dupnitsa too. It's always the students you think could care less, who seem to be geniunely intrigued. I guess kids are kids and no matter how interested they are, sometimes learning/concentrating is just hard for them.

mission: (not) impossible

So, this past weekend I went on a weekend excursion to the Seven Rila Lakes. Rila is the largest mountain chain in Bulgaria and a huge eco-tourist spot. I've emailed/talked to most people about it, so there is no need to rehash all the minor details. I will say that from where the bus dropped us off (I was in a group of about 50 people), it took about 4 1/2 hours to get to the summit. Now, seeing as how only my close family and friends are more than likely reading this blog... you all know me... I'll admit I have a tendency to be a little lazy. I'm definately not the outdoors-y type. But being here is about experiencing new things, and I figured this was no excpetion. When it was all said and done, I couldn't have been prouder. Not only did I hike 4 1/2 hours UP the mountain, but then I came all the way back down (which, might I add, was just as challenging!) It was an overnight and the next day, we hiked some more! Monday I felt like a pregnant woman, my feet were so swollen. But all is well now, and although I probably won't be returning in the next two years, I'm glad to say: I did it!

My last post was a little depressing, but I guess I will have those moments from time to time. I'm friends with pretty much all the people from my volunteer group on facebook, and in keeping in touch with them, have discovered that they have very similar moments/feelings. It's comforting to know I'm not just being a big baby. Even people who are older, have more experience abroad, etc. just get tired sometimes.

Also, I started my English course this past Monday. I was also teaching the past two weeks, but those students were from a particular class and were obligated to come... basically as extra credit because they did poorly on their finals. So Monday was the first day of the purely optional class, and it was open to everyone. Twenty-seven students showed up! I'm not going to lie, I was pretty impressed with myself.... until today when only 12 showed up! Haha. Oh well. I think kids are just going to randomly pop in and out.... which makes it kind of hard to really plan lessons.... because if the students don't come consistently, then everyone's not on the same page. I'm not too worried about it though. No matter what the situation is, it's just good practice. I really like working with them though. Some of the things they say are just so hilarious. For instance, today I had this tic-tac-toe activity planned where in each square was a sentence they had to finish. So basically, when they wanted to mark a square with "x" or "o," they had to finish the sentence in that respective square. One of the sentences was "I dislike..." and this one boy (11th grade) says, "I dislike... well, I really dislike my haircut right now." Just they way he said it and the look on his face cracked me up, and when I started laughing, he was like, "No seriously, it's really terrible. I'm just not happy about it." People here are just so frank. I mean, if it was me in a Bulgarian classe, I would have said something like, "I dislike tomatoes" or something simple. The kids here are actually quite honest though, and oftentimes really put thought into their answers.

Ok, well right now there is a huge thunderstorm and the lights keep flickering... so I should probably save my battery power because I still have work to do.

All for now.

By the way, here is a link to all the pictures I have posted online thus far:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2356343&l=22b97&id=4907118

changes

So, thus far, life hasn't exactly been a picnic, but it's been good. I am really happy with my site placement, and I think of all the places I could have been... Kyustendil is at the top of the charts. But... there's always a but... it's already starting to get a little harder than I anticipated. The job itself isn't that hard, in fact, it's almost ridiculously easy. Right now I am teaching what is basically summer school, a class that kids are forced to go to early in the morning on their summer vacation, and the students are great. Sometimes a little unfocused, but they always try, participate, and they have very sweet demeanors.

I just really miss my family and friends. I thought I wanted this big adventure, and it's not that I don't.... I just wish I had the people I cared about here with me to share it. Which comes as a surprise to me. I usually consider myself a pretty independent person. Two years is just starting to seem like a really long time. Then today my microphone broke, or maybe my computer broke, I'm not really sure just yet. I thought it was the mic so I bought a new headset (for a grand total now of 45 precious leva on freaking headsets), and it's still not working. Skype is my outlet to everyone back home, thus rendering the mic imperative. And of course there is always email, but it's not the same. It just seems like it's always something. And it's not even the fact that I've encountered these millions of small problems, it's the fact that I am inept at problem solving here. My survival Bulgarian is oftentimes not good enough to do things on my own, so I usually have to rely on my counterpart (the most clueless woman I've ever met in my life) or someone else who speaks english, and they will just put it off and put it off, because it's not their problem. There is just no sense of urgency here and it drives me crazy! And it's not something that you can change overnight... or maybe that you can ever change. It's just a cultural thing.

The other problem is that I'm just kind of confused as to why I'm here. I mean, the kids I work with are brilliant. And people keep telling me that the schools need native speakers like me to teach the children (because English is such an advantage in a very competitive job market), but the kids I have worked with are amazing. Even the "poor students" in my summer school class can have a regular conversation with me. So, it's kind of like... do they really need me? They've been studying all these years without a teacher like me and they're doing great! Half of the students are better than the teachers. I tried to explain all this to my mom, but it didn't seem like she really understood (no offense). And I would hope that I would bring fresh ideas and what not to the school, but honestly, I could do that anywhere. When you think about your teachers in the past, how many teachers does one remember as life-changing? One? MAYBE two? Every place needs motivated teachers. I guess I'm just starting to think that maybe I just should have just taken the summer to travel, and then come back and done grad school instead of devoting two years of my life. That sounds mean, but I can't help it. That's how the Peace Corps is! It's so exhausting. One minute I'm super gung-ho about changing the world, and the next my microphone breaks and I have a melt-down. It's this crazy roller-coaster of emotions. Quite draining, really.

Plus, I always figured I would be this totally different person afterwards. I don't think I will change at all. Which actually, is maybe a good thing. I think my service here will just make me that much more sure of myself. All my fellow volunteers have changed their "interests" on their facebook/myspace profiles. Half of it is to be all cutesy, but i'm sure there is some truth in it. I thought about updating mine, when I realized... there is nothing to update. My interests read: adam brody, history, pinot grigio, summertime, etc. And I still think Adam Brody (of the o.c.) is my soulmate (unbeknowst to him of course). History is still my favorite subject. Pinot grigio will always bring a smile to my face. And summertime will forever be my favorite season, with beaches and trips to West Palm.

And those are a few of my favorite things (haha, i'm so clever). Actually, writing about it just made me feel better. Which is astounding, because usually when I think about all this, I get really homesick. I'm cured!

Totally random, but to end on a positive note. (it's important to end on a positive note) I started piano lessons. I have had two lessons to date. My teacher thinks I'm a natural. Which, maybe I am.... or maybe it is due in part to the fact that while I am no expert on music, I have a little background knowledge. I did play viola in middle school, and I took guitar lessons for a year in college. I didn't have the heart to tell her though. I just let her think that she was a great teacher, and I, an excellent student. It's more fun that way. I really, really like it though. And now I have a key to the music room so I can go whenever I want. I might even buy a keyboard (if I can find one).

So, don't worry about me. I'll be just fine. It's just easy to get emotional when you have so much alone time and time to just think, think, think. By the way, I am adding a video to this post. One is of me and one is of my apartment. I recorded the one of me before I went on this rant... :)

oh my stars!

So this weekend was fun. Friday night one of the other volunteers, Shantay, came to visit me. When went out for a bit to a local bar/club. I was actually surprised at how nice it was! It looked like a place I would see in Atlanta. Plus, they played American music and the atmosphere was really laid back. The next day we went to the capital, Sofia. I really like the city. The first time I went I wasn't that impressed, but I think part of the reason was because I was with people I didn't really care for, the entire day was really rushed, and then it poured on us. This time was totally different. Really relaxed, and I went to a different part of the city that I really liked. I saw that movie, Hancock, with Will Smith. It was really good. I hadn't even heard of it before, but it was funny/sweet. I wanted to see Sex and the City, but the earliest time we could see it was around 7, and I had to catch the last bus home before that. Next time though. We made a pact to go to the capital and grab lunch and a movie or something once a month.


Anyway, half the reason I am writing this is because while I was in Sofia, I experienced the funniest moment thus far in Bulgaria. So before Shantay and I went to the movie, we went to grab some lunch. McDonald's, if you are wondering. I actually do not miss McDonald's, but we were in a bit of a hurry. There were actually some other much cooler restaurants there, but service in Bulgaria is a bit lackluster, to say the least. And like I said we were in a rush. Back to the story. So Shantay and I were sitting there eating our McDonald's, minding our business. Now, Shantay is black. I have to mention this point, because it is critical to the story. So, we are sitting there eating when a little boy, about 5 years old, walks by our table, but as soon as his eyes fall on Shantay he just stops... right next to her... and stares. The look on his face was PRICELESS. It was this confused and almost disturbed look, as if to say, "who are you and what are you doing here in my country?" Now if it was an adult, it would be offensive, but since it was just a little kid, we just started laughing hysterically. And once the little boy saw us laughing so hard, he started smiling too. But he still didn't leave. He just stood there for a solid 3 minutes, watching her, until his dad (who was busy carrying food and what not) finally pushed him along to their table.


I really wish I had had a video camera to capture the moment. It was one of those "you had to be there moments," but it kind of made me think after the fact. As Americans we are just so used to seeing people of all different colors, shapes, sizes, etc., but Bulgaria is really not like that. It's the most homogeneous population I've ever seen in my life. There can't be more than 20 people in the entire country who are not Eastern European. And the ones who are here probably work for the American Government. The whole moment kind of reminded me of that movie "Blast from the Past" with Alicia Silverstone and Brendan Fraser. After being stuck in a bomb shelter for twenty odd years, he finally sees the real world.... and when he first goes outside he runs into a black lady and declares, "oh my stars... a negro!" I guess it's just hard for me to imagine a world where seeing someone different would be such a novelty and/or shock. If the peace corps does anything for me, it just makes me more and more thankful to live in America, a place where we have the opportunity to experience different cultures and be exposed to different people. It truly is a melting pot, and I have never really thought about how cool that really is.


I guess that's all for now. I start teaching my summer class tomorrow. Wish me luck!

getting settled

So I'm finally in my permanent site! It's been great so far. There is much to be done, but my apartment fears have been cast aside. The apartment itself is pretty good by American standards, excellent by Bulgarian standards. There are a few drawbacks. There is no washing machine. I have been told that one will be purchased "soon," but I have learned that this a very relative term in Bulgaria. I thought I was a master procastinator, but I cede my title to the Bulgarians. Either way, there is a drycleaners nearby, I'm just worried it will be really expensive. We shall see this weekend.

Also, I have no television. Which isn't really as a big of deal as I thought it would be. At least not right now. I just use my laptop to watch all my movies and DVD seasons. (Big thanks to Lindsey for the OC and Mom for Sex and the City and Gilmore Girls).

The hot water situation is different. I have a hot water heater. It only takes about 40 minutes to get hot water, but when I take a shower it only lasts for 10 minutes tops. I do love long showers. No more though. I suppose it's better for the Earth anyway, right?

I am going to do a summer english course for the kids at my school, but it doesn't start until the end of July. I'm actually already a little bored, so that was kind of a bummer. On the bright side, 60 kids have signed up! I doubt all of them will actually come and/or stick with it for the whole summer, but it was still encouraging of course.

I'm really working on my language skills, but I need a tutor asap. It's freaking hard.

I helped someone in my building this morning. This younger woman was trying to get her baby stroller down the stairs. I asked if I could help, thinking I would just carry the carriage, but she just handed me the baby! It was seriously a newborn too. Babies make me really nervous. They are so delicate!! And all I could think was how I was going to accidentally drop this child and be exiled from Bulgaria. Obviously it turned out just fine. Usually, I don't really like infants, but this one was actually cute. It kind of made me want a baby. Not right now obviously. But perhaps one day. (I know you will read this mom and think that victory is yours-- but I make no promises!)

Anyhow, my city is pretty great. There are almost all the modern conveniences I could possibly want. Also, they have this store called Technopolis. It's seriously, JUST like a Best Buy. Until now I've only seen small little mom and pop shops. But this was like a real store. I was seriously in heaven... until I looked at the prices tags and realized it was completely out of my price range. Back to the lev store (dollar store).

I'm trying to decorate a little. At first, I thought I wouldn't care. But coming home to such emptiness on a daily basis kind of affects your spirit. So I bought one painting and one plant. Just those two items really brightened up the place!

I'm looking into traveling already. The first three months we are at our permanent site, we are really limited on where/when we can travel. You can only travel within the country, and you can have only one overnight per month. I understand the reasoning, and it's honestly not that big of a deal to me. I am hoping to do some traveling this Christmas. More on that later when the plans are better set.

I guess that's all for now. Overall, the permanent site is good. One person found cockroaches in their fridge, another girl's landlord lives below her and thus feels the right/need to enter her apartment whenever the mood strikes, and so on... therefore I'm pretty lucky.

the end is near

So, as the title suggests, the end is near. Training is coming to a close. We have two and a half weeks left. I can't believe it's almost over, but i think everyone is ready to move on. Training is just really stressful... and honestly, the volunteers themselves (my supposed support network) are the ones that drive me crazier than anything!! Some girl today claimed that she was "Jewish by blood." What the heck does that mean? This was news to me... I didn't know religion was genetic. Crazy. But seriously, it's dealing with nonsensical comments like that on a daily basis, that are really starting to get to me! Not to mention the incessant flea bites that are leaving potentially scarring marks all over my body. (and that's no exaggeration. i had tears in my eyes when i put on a pair of shorts...)

Overall, training has been an interesting experience, but one that i am looking forward to moving past. I love my host family, but the honeymoon phase is quickly ending. I'm just ready to wash my own clothes, prepare my own meals, and just have some peace.

On a more positive note, my last day of teaching was this past Friday. I was actually a little sad to leave the school. I really liked teaching there, and I really loved our partner teacher, Yanna. She was someone who I could have actually become friends with (had that been my permanent school). Also, my 11th grade class, which I considered completely apathetic, got me a going away present. It was a potted plant, more specifically Bulgaria's national flower, and it seriously made my year! Considering that the kids didn't even bring paper and pencils to class, nevermind a textbook, and they would paint their nails or just go to sleep during class, I figured they couldn't care less and saw me as horribly boring. I guess the moral of the story is that you can't let yourself get too jaded or disillusioned with your classes or the school system in general, because you really might have an impact on your students and not even know it.

I guess that's all for now. My mother is coming to visit in August and I'm really excited! I miss everyone a lot and a familiar face will be more than welcome. I also talked to my boyfriend today. Even though it was only for a few minutes, it was great to hear a familiar voice.

This weekend I'm supposed to go to Melnik, the smallest village in Bulgrian, but a popular tourist spot with a winery and monestary. Then next week I am scheduled to visit a current peace corps volunteer... not sure who or where just yet. Also this week, we are planting a tree near the municipality and having a "cultural festival" featuring both Bulgarian traditions and American festivities. My small group has also planned a day-trip to Sofia, the capital, which I'm sooooo excited about. I have heard tales of a Subway in the city limits, and I can't wait to get a turkey wrap with extra lettuce and jalapeños !!

Ok. That's really all.... busy weeks ahead. Till next time :)

permanent site

I think the main thing I will take with me from my peace corps experience is patience. There is a LOT of waiting around.... about things that I consider pretty important, too. This past Monday I finally found out where my permanent site will be! Drum Roll..... Hooray for Kyustendil!! (Кюстендил)

My visit was amazing. When I first found out, I was honestly a little dissapointed. It was a little anticlimactic. There is a training group there right now, a volunteer from a previous group, and it's only one hour from where I am currently living. Basically, on the surface it seemed like it was everything I specifically requested NOT to have. BUT, after visiting, my worries have been cast aside and I am thrilled to move in a short month's time.

A little about Kyustendil. It is in a valley at the foot of the mountains. I'm so excited to still have mountains all around me, because they are my favorite part of this country! I will be teaching English in a math and science school, and I will be working with 8th and 9th grade. The kids were so much fun to talk to. They wanted to know everything about me and America. I got asked ten million random questions, and I had a blast getting to know a little bit about them. They asked for my email and my Skype name, and two of the students requested to be my friend on Skype the next day! Overall, the kids seemed to have really positive attitudes and it was really encouraging. Hopefully the trend will continue when I'm giving homework, tests, and grades! I am supposed to have an English Club this summer and a bunch of the students seemed very interested in that as well, so that was nice and reassuring.

The city has a lot of modern conviences, which of course is always nice. They have a supermarket (not the way we would think of, but still, a lot bigger than the tiny store in my village), and they had tissues!! Tissues are a luxury around here. It's funny... a really good bottle of wine is always readily available and only about $5, but tissues... no where to be found.

As I mentioned, there is a volunteer there from a previous group. She is half way through her service and will prove an invaluable resource to me in the future. She showed me around and introduced me to some of her friends. I also attended her dance class, and will hopefully be a part of it when I move there. They learn traditional Bulgarian folk dances.... they're so hard, but so cool... and it's only $8 per month!! And that's for two classes, one and a half hours each, per week!

Basically, I'm really looking forward to my peace corps service and teaching as a volunteer. It's hard to sum up some of my experiences in such short paragraphs. There's a John Mayer song that has the line, "maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way with words..." That is the theme song of my life for the next two years!

like strawberry wine

So today was a fun day!

As some of you may know, I was having a little trouble with one of my fellow volunteers in my small group. I am happy to report that I am a master problem solver, and was able to work it out. Of course, this person will probably still drive me crazy... but at least we have an understanding now. Honestly, it was nice to be honest and put everything out there. Hopefully things will remain kosher for the rest of the training period.

Speaking of training, today we recieved "site descriptions." Basically, we recieved descriptions of the 20 permanent sites that will have volunteers in them after training. It was very exciting!! I was interested in 13 of the 20 sites and VERY interested in three of those thirteen. It is so hard to decide, because there is so much to consider! For instance: the size of the town, the extracurriculars, the school size, the grades you will be teaching, etc. etc. Every school is so different and so interesting sounding! I have placement interviews next week and then Monday, May 12 I will find out where my permanent site will be!!!!

Also, today our small group made some traditional Bulgarian meals at our language trainer's house. It was actually quite delicious, and I am still uncomfortably full 3 hours later!! One of our trainer's neighbors stopped by afterwards. He insisted on serving us his homemade wine. I have never tried homemade wine before, so I can't generalize, but this particular wine was amazing! It was red and I normally prefer white, but this stuff was great!! Even though I could barely understand him (the neighbor), it was great to just sit on the porch, have a glass of wine and relax! Our trainer helped translate a little, but he mainly tried to have us listen and respond as much as possible on our own.

I am slowly but surely understanding more and more. It will also be interesting to see where my permanent site is, because the majority of the sites are Turkish and Roma neighborhoods. If I am in a Turkish neighborhood, I will have to learn Turkish as well as Bulgarian. The languages are totally different! I am up for the challenge though. (I mean, I would hope I am, otherwise why am I here?)

All for now, my family has gone to bed and I am going to watch my OC dvds (care of Lindsey). :)

i'm famous!! or should i say infamous?

So I was all excited today, when I was shown a picture of myself and some other group members around our hub center in the local paper! I was like, I'm famous!! We really do have people who are interested in us being here... and they care!!

But wait... the article was not about the wonders of Peace Corps and the joy we will bring to our students... it was about the fact that we walked across the grass outside the building. Yes, an entire article was written about how disrepectful we are for walking on the grass instead of the sidewalk. Nevermind the gang innuendo spraypainted across the buildings, the littered streets, or the water so filthy and polluted that you can't drink from it... don't you dare walk on that grass!

We laughed. I guess you really can't please them all.

In other news, I observed an 11th grade class today. The textbook compared the abundance of bicycles to "dog shit on the side walk" (and that is verbatim). Only two of the students even had a textbook with them, and no work was accomplished whatsoever. The class was conducted primarily in Bulgarian. Some of the students knew more English than the teacher, in fact. One kid walked in 5 minutes before the bell rang... I was just like, seriously??My 8th grade class has been so sweet and observant... I've obviously been spoiled. It was definately an eye-opener for what life/class will be like after training.