Buglaria! Congrats, you've won yet again!
So here's the newest scoop of ridiculous-flavored ice cream. By the way... I really love the word ridiculous. I can't even tell you how much I use it now, because it really does encompass all things bulgaria and school related. Anyhow, a little back story: last week, i went to my "team-teaching" class (where i teach with a bulgarian teacher), only to discover that the bulgarian teacher was not there. i asked the kids if they knew where she was, and they said no. so i ran to the english teacher's room (they have a special little room), and she's not there. i ran to the teacher's lounge, and still... she's not there. at this point, i'm kind of at a loss. they bell had already rung, and i didn't want to leave the kids sitting there alone. i'm lucky that this happened to be one of my good classes, because leaving the students unattended otherwise would have ended badly.
i went back to class, and asked the kids what chapter they were on in the book. the bulgarian teacher never gave me any instructions on what to do... and let me add that they don't normally tell me until 10 minutes before class... so i'm scrambling. i figured i would just work in the same chapter as i did with the other classes. turns out, they're WAY ahead of the other classes. they have already finished the chapter i worked on with the other 8th graders. no problem, we will just use their workbook that accompanies the text book. oh wait... they already finished all those exercises too...
???
well i had some christmas crosswords from my 9th grade class, and i figure what the heck, we'll just do some christmas stuff! so i give the kids the crossword puzzle. and honestly, it was educational, because they didn't know a lot of the vocabulary like, "coal, christmas eve, elves, jolly" stuff like that.
apparently, giving the kids a crossword was NOT, i repeat NOT ok. the teacher found out that i "didn't do what she wanted." (refresh my memory real quick on what it was that you wanted, because i'm pretty sure you dipped out without saying a word and left me high and dry.) so this teacher proceeds to tell/complain to the kids.... yes, the students... about peace corps, claiming the following:
1. only poor people join the peace corps because they need the money
2. we receive heaps of money while we are here and then we get paid loads of cash when we return
3. get SO MUCH money by the time we get home.... here's the clincher...WE RETIRE!
4. only ethnic people join the peace corps
and so, this is the trash that she is filling these kids' heads with. my favorite class at that. i'm not going to bother to say anything to her. she's obviously not only a self-loathing bitch, but a racist self-loathing bitch. and she's clearly not a logical person and saying something would probably just fuel the fire. it's just not worth it.
and did i mention she was gone YET AGAIN today, without telling me she was leaving or telling me what to do for class? obviously this time, i came prepared. hooker.
in conclusion, i would like to add that i truly laughed about this situation. i really wasn't even mad. it was just so ludicrous that i couldn't even take it seriously! i did, however, tell the class today that if they ever had any questions about me, my life, peace corps, or why i'm here... i would be more than happy to tell them and give them the REAL and TRUE answers. (and i'm emphasized real and true).
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
expectations
expect: 1. to consider reasonable, due, or necessary, 2. to anticipate or look forward to, 3. to consider probable or certain.
throughout pre-service training and many times since i have actually started teaching, we talk about "expectations," and "managing expectations." i think one of the main reasons i have been so frustrated and defeated as a teacher is because of inflated expectations. its funny because during training, i specifically remember having a conversation in which i declared, rather smugly now that i think back on it, that i had no expectations. while other people were starting to crack and show weakness during only the second month in-country... i remember thinking, they'll never make it! we're not even under pressure yet!
and now, here i am. struggling to get by week to week. looking so forward to each and every moment away from class it's a wonder i've been able to drag myself out of bed at all. which brings me back to my point: expectations. i have come to realize, that maybe when i first left georgia in my post-collegiate idealistic phase, i really did have expectations. maybe i just never really reflected on them. or perhaps i simply thought that they didn't mean much, because i was open to anything.
the truth is... i guess i really did believe that i was going to jazz up the classrooms and wow the students. i thought the kids would be overjoyed to work with an american teacher. and even if the students were bad, i was honestly thinking i could easily handle it. i was going to walk into that school, "dangerous minds" style, and michelle pfeiffer it up.
now i'm realizing that's it not quite as easy as the movies would like to make it look. and again, this kind of makes me laugh, because when people talk about "world peace" and other lofty ideas, they make it sound like cake. and i always used to think, "what are you talking about?? if it was that easy, we'd all be holding hands around a campfire singing kum bay ya." so why, when i have been so skeptical about change... or at least the ease in which change is possible.... why on earth did i think it would be so easy for me? this is years and years of bad habits and corruption we're trying to work through. and it's not surprising how close-minded people are. i mean, that's all they know. if you walked up to someone in the taliban, and said, hey guy... blowing people up is just not cool. let me show you why. even if that person took the time to listen to your argument (which would be a feat in and of itself), do you think they're just going to throw down their weapons because they've seen the light?! i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say, NO.
the point being, i am now having to face the fact that i most certainly did have expectations, and now i am forced to manage them. i am constantly having to redefine "success." i realize that in fact, i cannot touch the heart of each and every child. instead i have to re-evaluate my classes and decided who is worth going the extra mile for and who is, sad to say, a lost cause at this point, because i just don't have enough time with the students to really give some of them the attention they need and i'm losing the good ones in the process.
so maybe the students won't walk away from every period enlightened and eager to use their new found knowledge. maybe we'll just practice "jingle bell rock." and maybe that doesn't make me a bad teacher after all... just working within the system, one step (albeit painfully slow) at time.
throughout pre-service training and many times since i have actually started teaching, we talk about "expectations," and "managing expectations." i think one of the main reasons i have been so frustrated and defeated as a teacher is because of inflated expectations. its funny because during training, i specifically remember having a conversation in which i declared, rather smugly now that i think back on it, that i had no expectations. while other people were starting to crack and show weakness during only the second month in-country... i remember thinking, they'll never make it! we're not even under pressure yet!
and now, here i am. struggling to get by week to week. looking so forward to each and every moment away from class it's a wonder i've been able to drag myself out of bed at all. which brings me back to my point: expectations. i have come to realize, that maybe when i first left georgia in my post-collegiate idealistic phase, i really did have expectations. maybe i just never really reflected on them. or perhaps i simply thought that they didn't mean much, because i was open to anything.
the truth is... i guess i really did believe that i was going to jazz up the classrooms and wow the students. i thought the kids would be overjoyed to work with an american teacher. and even if the students were bad, i was honestly thinking i could easily handle it. i was going to walk into that school, "dangerous minds" style, and michelle pfeiffer it up.
now i'm realizing that's it not quite as easy as the movies would like to make it look. and again, this kind of makes me laugh, because when people talk about "world peace" and other lofty ideas, they make it sound like cake. and i always used to think, "what are you talking about?? if it was that easy, we'd all be holding hands around a campfire singing kum bay ya." so why, when i have been so skeptical about change... or at least the ease in which change is possible.... why on earth did i think it would be so easy for me? this is years and years of bad habits and corruption we're trying to work through. and it's not surprising how close-minded people are. i mean, that's all they know. if you walked up to someone in the taliban, and said, hey guy... blowing people up is just not cool. let me show you why. even if that person took the time to listen to your argument (which would be a feat in and of itself), do you think they're just going to throw down their weapons because they've seen the light?! i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say, NO.
the point being, i am now having to face the fact that i most certainly did have expectations, and now i am forced to manage them. i am constantly having to redefine "success." i realize that in fact, i cannot touch the heart of each and every child. instead i have to re-evaluate my classes and decided who is worth going the extra mile for and who is, sad to say, a lost cause at this point, because i just don't have enough time with the students to really give some of them the attention they need and i'm losing the good ones in the process.
so maybe the students won't walk away from every period enlightened and eager to use their new found knowledge. maybe we'll just practice "jingle bell rock." and maybe that doesn't make me a bad teacher after all... just working within the system, one step (albeit painfully slow) at time.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
no means no... oh wait, it means yes.
i'm starting to dread tuesdays. some two or three odd months ago, i agreed to tutor a 5 year old. i thought it would be fun. oh how wrong a person can be. first of all, this small child, sienna, gets brattier and brattier every day. i used to think my little brother held the title.... but he is saintly compared to this little booger. (and btw, i actually miss my little bro). if i try to help her in the least, she vehemently protests.... i mean, literally yells at me. and she's just as bad around the parents, so it's not like i could say anything to them, even if i wanted to (which quite honestly i would never have the guts to do), because they allow this type of behavior. come to think of it... i believe i have previously mentioned that parents and their lack of discipline in regard to their kids is one of the roots of all the problems bulgaria faces today!!!!! (as far as education goes anyway).
on top of that, i am also forced to eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink......
dinner time is not a pleasantry here. it's a battle zone. in one corner we have me, the innocent protagonist. in the other corner we have the hosts.... and dare i say, the enemy. many a volunteer has faced this challenge. you see, in bulgaria people just loooooove to feed you and get you drunk. it's practically a hobby. and when you say "no thank you" (in their own language)... it is ill received... if it's received at all! and that is why no means yes. so when i said no to a glass of wine the first time around, i was poured a glass anyway. (did i mention that this is homemade wine, and it's the strongest i've ever had in my LIFE?) for some dumb reason i drank it too quickly, (despite the fact that i have discovered the trick is to eat and drink ridiculously slow so that you can avoid second/third servings)... and of course i was poured a second glass. well the mother and father of this particular family were practically finished their drinks, so i quickly finished the second glass thinking that they would drive me home soon. no no no. i was poured a third glass and told to watch tv in the living room. *sigh* i reluctantly complied.
and now i sit here alone in my house, slightly intoxicated (sorry mom and dad). alone.
how pathetic.
i feel the need to include another *sigh.* those of you who know me well know that i am a "sigher." meaning, i sigh a lot. in fact, some people back home used to question me and my sighing. i told them i was just breathing, but in fact i was more than likely sighing and probably found something they said or did utterly ridiculous. while writing this blog i have sighed out loud after every other sentence. and that is mostly how i feel these days. it's hard to explain. i can only say that while on a deeper level these situations get to me... i am becoming more and more numb. (that is of course until it bottles up and i explode in a fit of rage.... or tears).
on a brighter, happier note, in the midst of all this incomprehensible behavior, i received my mother's christmas package today! i opened one of the gifts, b/c i already knew it was an iTunes gift card... and downloaded a TON of christmas music. yay! i really have been in the holiday spirit, even though i have no decorations, no tree, no friends, and no family. christmas spirit has actually been a bit of an oasis. and while i'm no scrooge, i've been especially cheery these past couple weeks. bulgaria can't hold me down!
oh yeah... i also received a bunch of magazines, including people's "sexiest men" issue. and hugh jackman?? come on. they always pick someone totally lame. he hasn't even starred in anything interesting lately. i just don't understand. and maybe i'm mistaken but i feel like their primary audience is fairly young. and he's old. (again, sorry relatives-- but ya'll are climbing the charts too. hahaha). when are they going to have someone like tom brady? or justin timberlake? someone young, cute, popular, and IN! get with it people magazine.
all for now. i miss my family and friends soooooo much, but as london gets closer and closer (am i wearing out this topic or what?!), i'm thinking that all this agony, pain, and flat out annoyance are going to be sooo worth it and more!
on top of that, i am also forced to eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink......
dinner time is not a pleasantry here. it's a battle zone. in one corner we have me, the innocent protagonist. in the other corner we have the hosts.... and dare i say, the enemy. many a volunteer has faced this challenge. you see, in bulgaria people just loooooove to feed you and get you drunk. it's practically a hobby. and when you say "no thank you" (in their own language)... it is ill received... if it's received at all! and that is why no means yes. so when i said no to a glass of wine the first time around, i was poured a glass anyway. (did i mention that this is homemade wine, and it's the strongest i've ever had in my LIFE?) for some dumb reason i drank it too quickly, (despite the fact that i have discovered the trick is to eat and drink ridiculously slow so that you can avoid second/third servings)... and of course i was poured a second glass. well the mother and father of this particular family were practically finished their drinks, so i quickly finished the second glass thinking that they would drive me home soon. no no no. i was poured a third glass and told to watch tv in the living room. *sigh* i reluctantly complied.
and now i sit here alone in my house, slightly intoxicated (sorry mom and dad). alone.
how pathetic.
i feel the need to include another *sigh.* those of you who know me well know that i am a "sigher." meaning, i sigh a lot. in fact, some people back home used to question me and my sighing. i told them i was just breathing, but in fact i was more than likely sighing and probably found something they said or did utterly ridiculous. while writing this blog i have sighed out loud after every other sentence. and that is mostly how i feel these days. it's hard to explain. i can only say that while on a deeper level these situations get to me... i am becoming more and more numb. (that is of course until it bottles up and i explode in a fit of rage.... or tears).
on a brighter, happier note, in the midst of all this incomprehensible behavior, i received my mother's christmas package today! i opened one of the gifts, b/c i already knew it was an iTunes gift card... and downloaded a TON of christmas music. yay! i really have been in the holiday spirit, even though i have no decorations, no tree, no friends, and no family. christmas spirit has actually been a bit of an oasis. and while i'm no scrooge, i've been especially cheery these past couple weeks. bulgaria can't hold me down!
oh yeah... i also received a bunch of magazines, including people's "sexiest men" issue. and hugh jackman?? come on. they always pick someone totally lame. he hasn't even starred in anything interesting lately. i just don't understand. and maybe i'm mistaken but i feel like their primary audience is fairly young. and he's old. (again, sorry relatives-- but ya'll are climbing the charts too. hahaha). when are they going to have someone like tom brady? or justin timberlake? someone young, cute, popular, and IN! get with it people magazine.
all for now. i miss my family and friends soooooo much, but as london gets closer and closer (am i wearing out this topic or what?!), i'm thinking that all this agony, pain, and flat out annoyance are going to be sooo worth it and more!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
sofia is for lovers?
so i had pretty good weekend again. usually my weekends are quite pleasant actually.... i spend them away from my town with my partner in crime. i always think it's kind of funny that my fondest memories thus far are those having nothing to do with my school or kyustendil, but in the capital or another more cosmopolitan city with other americans. i expressed this sentiment to my mother one time.
noteworthy:
two times ignorant people made racial slurs at shantay.
1. a dirty looking older man (50s), walked past us saying, "white power." as we stood there in amazement and watched him walk down the street, he called out again (in english), "white power. do you understand me? white power." we just kind of looked at each other like, what the hell was that all about?! i was tempted to yell something back, but sadly i'm just a small girl in a foreign country and well.... he looked like a psycho. (go figure).
2. we took the train back to pernik (shantay's site). as we were getting off she had the audacity to say "excuse me," to someone who was blocking the exit. (note my sarcasm). his response? "you need to put some sun screen on, you've been in the sun too long!" did i mention that this guy was smoking a cigar and drinking a 2 litre of beer? yes folks, they sell two litres of beer here. obviously he was of an extremely high calibur in regard to character.
i was shocked that it had happened not once, but twice in the same day! i kind of hope the old man breaks his hip and the younger guy gets lung cancer. at the very least, i hope they don't reproduce.
in other news, school is the same as always. one of the boys was unhappy with his grades, so he crumpled up his papers and threw them at me. his dad is supposed to come in for a conference, but i doubt anything will come of it. then on friday, another boy said, "what the fuck," after everything i said, so i kicked him out of class. when i told him to leave, he said "thank god." i know jesus said love your enemies... but i never expected my students to be the enemy.
finally, i am pleased to announce that britney spears's new album is fabulous. i expected no less. on a more tragic note, all my friends have tickets to her show.... and alas, i will not be a part of the fun. i was really hoping she would have a summer tour, complete with european stops... but she only has two london concerts, and they take place while school is still in session. however, i have decided that this will not stop me. i feel as though it is my duty as an ever loyal britney fan to finagle my way to that june concert in london!
and speaking of london... i will once again mention that my departure date is quickly approaching!!!!! my heart soars every time i think about it. *sigh.* i am voraciously (my new GRE word) reading my london guide books. and while i am quite sure that i will return home peniless, i know it's going to be worth all of my weak american dollars and more!
by the way, i hope everyone is in the holiday spirit! i must admit that i was rather perky this week after listening to such christmas classics as "christmas in hollis," by run-dmc, madonna's "santa baby," and the amazing rendtition of "winter wonderland," by the eurythmics. good times.
noteworthy:
two times ignorant people made racial slurs at shantay.
1. a dirty looking older man (50s), walked past us saying, "white power." as we stood there in amazement and watched him walk down the street, he called out again (in english), "white power. do you understand me? white power." we just kind of looked at each other like, what the hell was that all about?! i was tempted to yell something back, but sadly i'm just a small girl in a foreign country and well.... he looked like a psycho. (go figure).
2. we took the train back to pernik (shantay's site). as we were getting off she had the audacity to say "excuse me," to someone who was blocking the exit. (note my sarcasm). his response? "you need to put some sun screen on, you've been in the sun too long!" did i mention that this guy was smoking a cigar and drinking a 2 litre of beer? yes folks, they sell two litres of beer here. obviously he was of an extremely high calibur in regard to character.
i was shocked that it had happened not once, but twice in the same day! i kind of hope the old man breaks his hip and the younger guy gets lung cancer. at the very least, i hope they don't reproduce.
in other news, school is the same as always. one of the boys was unhappy with his grades, so he crumpled up his papers and threw them at me. his dad is supposed to come in for a conference, but i doubt anything will come of it. then on friday, another boy said, "what the fuck," after everything i said, so i kicked him out of class. when i told him to leave, he said "thank god." i know jesus said love your enemies... but i never expected my students to be the enemy.
finally, i am pleased to announce that britney spears's new album is fabulous. i expected no less. on a more tragic note, all my friends have tickets to her show.... and alas, i will not be a part of the fun. i was really hoping she would have a summer tour, complete with european stops... but she only has two london concerts, and they take place while school is still in session. however, i have decided that this will not stop me. i feel as though it is my duty as an ever loyal britney fan to finagle my way to that june concert in london!
and speaking of london... i will once again mention that my departure date is quickly approaching!!!!! my heart soars every time i think about it. *sigh.* i am voraciously (my new GRE word) reading my london guide books. and while i am quite sure that i will return home peniless, i know it's going to be worth all of my weak american dollars and more!
by the way, i hope everyone is in the holiday spirit! i must admit that i was rather perky this week after listening to such christmas classics as "christmas in hollis," by run-dmc, madonna's "santa baby," and the amazing rendtition of "winter wonderland," by the eurythmics. good times.
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