no means no... oh wait, it means yes.

i'm starting to dread tuesdays. some two or three odd months ago, i agreed to tutor a 5 year old. i thought it would be fun. oh how wrong a person can be. first of all, this small child, sienna, gets brattier and brattier every day. i used to think my little brother held the title.... but he is saintly compared to this little booger. (and btw, i actually miss my little bro). if i try to help her in the least, she vehemently protests.... i mean, literally yells at me. and she's just as bad around the parents, so it's not like i could say anything to them, even if i wanted to (which quite honestly i would never have the guts to do), because they allow this type of behavior. come to think of it... i believe i have previously mentioned that parents and their lack of discipline in regard to their kids is one of the roots of all the problems bulgaria faces today!!!!! (as far as education goes anyway).

on top of that, i am also forced to eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink......

dinner time is not a pleasantry here. it's a battle zone. in one corner we have me, the innocent protagonist. in the other corner we have the hosts.... and dare i say, the enemy. many a volunteer has faced this challenge. you see, in bulgaria people just loooooove to feed you and get you drunk. it's practically a hobby. and when you say "no thank you" (in their own language)... it is ill received... if it's received at all! and that is why no means yes. so when i said no to a glass of wine the first time around, i was poured a glass anyway. (did i mention that this is homemade wine, and it's the strongest i've ever had in my LIFE?) for some dumb reason i drank it too quickly, (despite the fact that i have discovered the trick is to eat and drink ridiculously slow so that you can avoid second/third servings)... and of course i was poured a second glass. well the mother and father of this particular family were practically finished their drinks, so i quickly finished the second glass thinking that they would drive me home soon. no no no. i was poured a third glass and told to watch tv in the living room. *sigh* i reluctantly complied.

and now i sit here alone in my house, slightly intoxicated (sorry mom and dad). alone.

how pathetic.

i feel the need to include another *sigh.* those of you who know me well know that i am a "sigher." meaning, i sigh a lot. in fact, some people back home used to question me and my sighing. i told them i was just breathing, but in fact i was more than likely sighing and probably found something they said or did utterly ridiculous. while writing this blog i have sighed out loud after every other sentence. and that is mostly how i feel these days. it's hard to explain. i can only say that while on a deeper level these situations get to me... i am becoming more and more numb. (that is of course until it bottles up and i explode in a fit of rage.... or tears).

on a brighter, happier note, in the midst of all this incomprehensible behavior, i received my mother's christmas package today! i opened one of the gifts, b/c i already knew it was an iTunes gift card... and downloaded a TON of christmas music. yay! i really have been in the holiday spirit, even though i have no decorations, no tree, no friends, and no family. christmas spirit has actually been a bit of an oasis. and while i'm no scrooge, i've been especially cheery these past couple weeks. bulgaria can't hold me down!

oh yeah... i also received a bunch of magazines, including people's "sexiest men" issue. and hugh jackman?? come on. they always pick someone totally lame. he hasn't even starred in anything interesting lately. i just don't understand. and maybe i'm mistaken but i feel like their primary audience is fairly young. and he's old. (again, sorry relatives-- but ya'll are climbing the charts too. hahaha). when are they going to have someone like tom brady? or justin timberlake? someone young, cute, popular, and IN! get with it people magazine.

all for now. i miss my family and friends soooooo much, but as london gets closer and closer (am i wearing out this topic or what?!), i'm thinking that all this agony, pain, and flat out annoyance are going to be sooo worth it and more!