indecision 09

i'm about to go to bed, but all these thoughts are swirling around in my head... i must put them down! it would be so much more "romantic" if i was actually putting pen to paper. perhaps i should get a journal... but then if i was always writing in my journal, i would never do the whole blog thing. as fergie would say, i'm so 3008. but back to the point.

what should i do?!

so the whole moving to bondi beach thing didn't exactly work out. sabrina and i are supposed to be looking at apartments together, but i'm a little nervous to move in with just her, b/c well... her finances are not exactly in check. she's always kind of "getting by," and i'm much more responsible than that. i know my mom is probably laughing/rolling her eyes. but when push comes to shove, i know what needs to be done.

the other day claire mentioned to me that she and meghan were going to travel up the west coast soon. (*claire and meghan are my american neighbors). she invited me to go and at first i took it lightly thinking, sure maybe... but probably not. then i got to thinking.... why not?!?! as of right now i have absolutely no one to travel with. perrin and sarah are gone. they've been replaced by two spanish guys, who i'm sure are perfectly nice, but i've spoken about 4 words to in the past two days. phillip and james will soon follow... returning to the states and england, respectively. now if claire and meghan go... where will that leave me? alone, that's where! it's so exhausting trying to make friends all the time. i like meeting new people and everything, but at the end of the day i would like to have one reliable precense in my life. someone who will just go to the grocery store with me and pick up some ramen. as of right now, that just doesn't seem like a possibility. and as i write this i can just see my mother squirming in her chair/bed.... "hillsong people are reliable!!!!!"

the point being, i didn't come to australia to get drunk every night and work at a stupid restaurant. pretty sure i did that from 2003-2007. it was called the university of georgia. the more and more i think about it, the more and more i think i should just throw caution to the wind and go!

so what's holding me back?
1. money
2. i like living in the city and being familiar with the surroundings. i feel like a "local" and that's how i want to spend my time here. as a local, not a tourist.
3. i wanted to have a sydney base for if/when anyone visited. although, who am i kidding? no one's going to come. i barely even keep in touch with anyone. i don't mean that in an ugly way, it's just the reality of the situation. the majority of my friends from back home are just not as adventurous as i am. something like australia would be a passing thought and nothing more. far from a goal (and budgeting -- don't make me laugh).

reasons to go:
1. claire and meghan are cool.
2. i want to visit the west coast and now is the perfect time to go. (it's dry season and in a couple months it will be the wet season, i.e. nightmare)
3. i love sydney, but who knows... maybe i will love another city more.. perth or darwin for example.

but mainly it's the money thing. i've spent quite a bit since i've been here. but i also have managed to tuck away some of what i've made. i guess the thing is, if i take the trip... i'll have enough to go... but i'll come back to approximately $0. and that's if i budget...

it's not that i don't want to travel at all. in fact, it's one of my top priorities. but i wanted to have a nice chunk of change before i did anything. i mean, i've only been working for a month and a half. i was planning on working till december before i really started to travel. i figured i would ring in the new year in sydney and then.... anywhere/anything!

i really like claire and meghan though and not that i wont make any more friends while i'm here, but they would be really great to travel with.....

decisions, decisions! in truth, i'm still kind of waiting on claire to give me more details about the whole thing. right now, it's marinating. but i talked to one of my co-workers, dan, (quite possibly my favorite person there) and he's been all around australia. from darwin to cairns to melbourne, and more. he thinks it's absurd that people never leave sydney. and perhaps he's right. the more i talked to him, the more convinced i was that i should go.

this is getting long and quite tedious. it's mainly for my own sake, i suppose now everyone knows the inner workings of my over-analyzing, slightly cautious, wistful (albeit timid), mind!
run now!